WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
