Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
