just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
