so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize