Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
