...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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