i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
