he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize