Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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