I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
