I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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