well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
