She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
