I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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