Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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