we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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