drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
