It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
