I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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