drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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