This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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