I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
