I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
