does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
