she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
