And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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