Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize