I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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