Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
