There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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