Do you still have your period?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
