I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize