if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
