We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
