community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
