Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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