you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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