Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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