Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
