The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
