I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
