Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
