I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
