Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Found the puke drawer
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
