dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
