There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
