Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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