Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
