My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
