dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
