I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
