were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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