Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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