And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
where am i from again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
