dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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