I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
