Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
