i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
