yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
