We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
