I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
