I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
