I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize