well I can't set my house on fire every night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
