Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
