I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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