my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love having hate sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
