these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
