You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
