I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
