so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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