shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize